David and I have the privilege of becoming parents to Gabriel in just about 3 weeks! I'm so excited to begin this new journey. One of my really good friends is also having a baby very soon, and her husband wrote about some of the thoughts that are going through his mind, now that they are getting so close to having their son Keaton. I have to give him Kudos for his post, because it is exactly how I feel about raising Gabriel. I have to share some of his thoughts, because I couldn't put it in better words, they are the same things I want for Gabriel:
"We only have a few more days of just us together. 24 to be exact. Then we welcome the son that won't go away until he's at least 18. Which gets me thinking... How do we raise him? Where do we click to make him download the latest upgrades? How do we program him to have discipline, love, patience and knowledge. What is the one thing that will make him understand those? Will love teach him discipline? Will discipline teach him knowledge? It's a little odd, but we raise children to learn how to live without us. I can look back and pinpoint different things in my life that made me who I am. It really is a miracle how I landed on those exact moments/lessons with a perfect frame of mind to learn that lesson in my life. Another person can have those exact moments placed in front of them and interpret differently. Just exactly how do I line up those same sequences that molded us for Keaton? Timing is going to have to be crucial. It will probably have to start somewhere in the 80's and since history repeats itself, the timing should be just about right.
Now after that is in place, then influence is next. Influence by people. It's the biggest influence I can think of unless they are people with a pocket full of drugs and peer pressure. Ok, seriously. We all have role models. People come and go in our lives and make many different impacts. It's good to know that the people who have made these impressions in our lives will be a part of our son's life. With these people it forms a pretty good platform. With these people combined we have respect, patience, culture, knowledge, love, kindness, self discipline and so much more. Of course a lot is due to parents also.
Respect. Learn when to give. Learn when to take. Learn your place in all of your friends lives. Learn your boundaries. You don't talk down to me, and I don't talk down to you. Especially family. The worst part with family is that we know what hurts the most.. so why go there? You don't cross the line and I won't either. It's simple. Just show some respect, I don't care if your the pope. You will remove your shoes when you come in the house of Asia.
Patience and compromise. It's not always about you. It's about those in your life too. Compromise with my habits as I will with yours. With patience comes serenity. Also with patience you usually get a better discount.
Culture. To me this is one of the most important. It taught me and my wife that we were different, and that it is ok to be different. Just because we don't understand someone's culture doesn't always make it wrong. We can't explain why we eat spoiled cabbage called kim-chi. Culture doesn't have to make sense to everyone. If you don't like the smell get out. Culture made us stronger and taught us Kung-fu and math, but most importantly it also taught us that dogs can be friends and not just food. See it goes both ways."
I read what Keith wrote above, and I cant help but contemplate parenthood, and all the things I want Gabriel to experience, learn, and grow with. The way I see it, I finally have a chance to help lift society, help lift the family unit, and directly aid in the happiness of another human being. Much more importantly, I have the chance to provide a good home filled with patience, love, and respect. It's been my life long dream to have children to create a strong family that will love and support one another in every stage of life. Why is that such an important thing to me? I haven't always had that in my own life, and in the field that I'm in, I see so many children/adults come from broken homes. I'm so happy that I'm in a wonderful marriage, and that Gabriel (and the rest of our children) will belong to a home that wants to especially excel and provide for a strong foundation in their life. Parenthood, truly is sacred. It's a privilege. Some of us don't understand that. We can set out to try to be good parents, or not understand the whole picture and the purpose of parenthood, and tarnish our children's life forever. It's not about being a selfish parent, but a selfless parent. What's most important now is not only my happiness, but the happiness of my entire family; our soon to be family of three.
What exactly do I want Gabriel to learn or be? I want him to be a gentlemen. The one in a billion type. We will try our hardest to grow our little boy into an honest man, full of happiness, respect, loyalty, and a heart for people, all sorts of people. I want him to be in touch with his spirituality, and carry it with him wherever he is. I want him to be independent, have his own individual personality, and not just spit out his opinions, but give his educated opinion on things. I want him to be like his Dad, slow to anger, quick to laugh. Haha...and of course I hope he is a liberal democrat like me. Haha. Sorry had to throw that in. I just want him to be extraordinary, because he has the ability to be. Right now he has more potential for greatness than failure. He will have so many people that love him. He will have two parents that love and respect each other , he will have good examples to learn from.
