My Gratitude

6 Months-Gabriel is 13.5 inches long!

I have now approached the 25th week of pregnancy! I'm just over 6 months now! Time has flown by and it is both a fun and sad occurrence. In just 14 more weeks we will hopefully have our little bundle of joy! Also in 14 weeks, our baby will not be in the safe haven that is my womb. Through out these last six months I have been consumed in thoughts about life, pregnancy, our new family, and everything in between. Those that know me well, know that I'm a thinker, quite philosophical about a lot of things in life. The analysis and objectivity I find in mostly everything comes second nature to me, from the time I was a little girl. As normal for a lot of expecting women, pregnancy brings new sentiments on life and the complexities therein.

Specifically, in my case, part of my thoughts have been focused on ceasing our first pregnancy to the best that I can cease it. Unfortunately, my lifestyle has been too busy and I can't say I have noticed every little thing about this pregnancy or even that I will remember every little thing I have thus experienced. However, I can say that carrying a little angel inside is the most miraculous thing I have experienced, besides love. I have been feeling him move since 17 weeks and my favorite thing is when he stretches. I just love feeling him stretch completely from my upper ribs down to my bladder. It's so fun. He consistently kicks and moves every 2 hours, and I love that I know when he will be moving. Every time he stretches to his maximum or kicks really hard, I always stop whatever I'm doing and just smile in complete amazement and appreciation for the little angel I have inside, that is eager to enter this world and have both of us as parents. Which takes me to my next compilation of thoughts, parenthood.

I feel so blessed and privileged that our son, Gabriel picked David and I as parents for him. More importantly, that he picked us to be his parents this year, during this time. David and I always said that we wanted to leave our first little one up to chance, and we wanted him to come whenever he wanted to join our little family. To our surprise, he was eager to be in our presence! They say that you are never fully prepared to be a parent. It's a funny thought, because I have always felt prepared, until it actually happened. Since then, I have tried to make sure that David and I take our life up to par with the realities that parenthood will bring and responsibilities we will have. In my mind, I have devised all sorts of ways to make sure I provide the best home for our child and future children; a home I always yearned for as a child myself, based out of love, respect, and peace. Even though in my mind I have devised such plans and methods for parenthood, I know that it will be difficult at times to learn and grow as a parent. The important thing is to not give into the fears that all these hormones and i'm sure the adversary are bringing about!

I received a blessing some years ago (before I met David) from our wonderful branch President, in which he said that my children would not only represent my husband and I, but also a spirit of love like within the walls of the temple. He went on to say that the home we build will be sturdy like the temple, with an appreciation for the scriptures, and love of the Lord, and like myself it will be emboldening to have the stature of the temple. It was an amazing blessing of comfort, and I can only say that those beautiful things promised in my blessing are true and that I will try my hardest to ensure their fruitfulness. The love that is felt within the walls of the temple is truly a unique and indescribable love, and if our home can have that same love, then I will accomplish part of the things that Gabriel and the rest of our children came to this world to experience. I feel so humbled to try to achieve such things for Gabriel, David, and I. In order to obtain that sturdiness and love, a lot is required, and it runs parallel with the kind of secular, religious, and cultural education I want to provide for our kids. I'm so excited to show them the world, as it really is.

The beginning of this chapter has also brought upon some uneasiness with the closure of past chapters. I have realized that what is most important in this time is that i'm surrounded by true friends, and family. I have felt so disheartened that some of my closest friends have not felt the same excitement and happiness for me that I would feel for them if they were in this new chapter. I have always thought that getting engaged, being newly married, and expecting your first child, are the most important moments in someone's life and I'm so excited for some of my friends to be there one day, so that I can be part of such a beautiful season. I felt a lot of overwhelming support and excitement from other friends and family that I would've never imagined. Yet, it has been sad for me to not experience that same support and exitement from other really special friends. It has been a difficult thing to deal with, but a close friend of mine helped me to realize that I just need to focus on the friends that have truly been happy for me, from the time we got engaged, to now that we are expecting our first baby. Her advise, has been a huge strength to me, and I have been much happier to be invested in those relationships that have proven stronger than others. I'm so fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life and to share such a special part of my life with them. Moving on...

Next to being in the state of pregnancy, is the state of giving birth...ohh I won't get started on this one right now! This will be a separate blog entry probably. All I can say is that I have gone from being strictly decided on receiving an epidural to undecided about how this whole giving birth business will go. However, I do know that it will be amazing no matter what, and that women have been giving birth for thousands of years, and that in the end, this is not rocket science. I can do it! I can, not only do it, but I can do it with strength and with as much peace and tranquility that the pain will allow! ;-)

I apologize for how long this entry has been, and for the boredom you may have felt. However, writing and expressing these thoughts helps me to put things into perspective. All in all, I feel so much gratitude for the life that I have, for the amazing husband I have by my side, and the little angel kicking right now. ♥